Fifty Shades Darker: Review

Distributed By: Universal Pictures Starring: Dakota Johnson, Jamie Dornan, Eric Johnson, Eloise Mumford, Bella Heathcote, Rita Ora, Kim Basinger, and Marcia Gay Harden Directed By: James Foley Rated: R for Strong Erotic Sexual Content, Some Graphic Nudity, and Language Score: ★

How can I begin to describe how excruciating it was to sit through this movie. Quite honestly I'm not sure I even have the words. Putting it frankly however Fifty Shades Darker is an appalling pile of garbage that somehow manages to be worse than the first film in almost every way.

Fifty Shades Darker picks up almost immediately after the original (or so I assume) and Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) has started her new job as a personal assistant to a book editor named Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson). Soon after, she bumps into Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) at an art gallery and less then five minutes later they are back together again. And not even two minutes after that we have our first sex scene of which there are many.

The plot of this movie is the equivalent of watching paint dry simply because it moves at an incredibly sluggish pace. That is not the only problem with it however. The second half of this films' conundrum is that there is nothing interesting happening. Nothing at all.

Honestly though, what about these two people is there to care about? On one side you have a man who is basically stalking the heroine and trying to control every aspect of her life. On the other you have a girl who is too stupid to leave said man even though everything in the movie points to the fact that he's crazy.

If anything she should have dumped him the minute his ex-girlfriend broke into her apartment with a gun. I mean I would have wanted to get as far away from him as possible after that but that's just me.

It's sad really that the talents of the film's stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan are wasted here because if truth be told they really aren't terrible. They are clearly trying to make the best of the parts they have and make the Hallmark greeting card sounding dialogue seem interesting. Unfortunately, it isn't enough to save the sinking ship that is this movie.

All I can say about Fifty Shades Darker is that I didn't enjoy it, not one bit. There is no doubt in my mind that it is something that fans of this series will enjoy but for everyone else I would recommend steering clear. Maybe the upcoming third film will finally whip this series into shape but I highly doubt it.

Alice Through the Looking Glass: Review

Distributed By: Walt Disney Pictures Starring: Johnny Depp, Mia Wasikowska, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Matt Lucas, and Sacha Baron Cohen Featuring the Voices Of: Alan Rickman, Timothy Spall, Paul Whitehouse, Stephen Fry, Barbara Windsor, and Michael Sheen Directed By: James Bobin Rated: PG for fantasy action/peril and some language 
Score: ★✮

Feeling as though I am the only one who was actually looking forward to seeing this film I went into Alice Through the Looking Glass with high hopes. I wasn't expecting it to be great because sequels hardly ever top their predecessors and early reviews weren't exactly the most positive. 

The good news is it wasn't as bad as I was expecting it to be the bad news is it still wasn't a very good movie. There was no magic or wonder and it was missing everything that made the first trip down the rabbit hole so wonderful. To quote the Mad Hatter but not quite, the first film was much more muchier and this movie is missing its' muchness.

The plot this time around revolves around Alice (Mia Wasikowska) returning to Wonderland to save the Mad Hatter (Johnny Depp) who is dying a slow depressing death because he believes his family to still be alive. His family supposedly died at the hands of the Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter) and her Jabberwocky many years ago.

To save him and find his family Alice meets with Time (Sacha Baron Cohen) who refuses to help her because messing with the past is dangerous business. So instead of listening to Time's helpful words of advice Alice steals the Chronosphere, a device that can be used to go to any point in the past. She uses this device to find the Mad Hatter's family and save them so her friend can get better. 

The plot this time around is a lot more understandable and a lot less weird however that is part of the movie's problem. What I loved so much about the first movie was that it was about something. It was strange and convoluted but behind all of that it was about a girl re-discovering who she was. Through the Looking Glass has nothing like that.

I wasn't rooting for Alice this time and I found myself not caring if the Mad Hatter lived or died. And I have to admit that Time who is supposed to be the bad guy in this adventure makes a lot of valid points. Especially when he points out that going into the past poses a risk of destroying time and space completely. Is the Mad Hatter's life really worth that risk? I would think not.

Visually the movie isn't that impressive either. For one thing everything looked fake, none of the effects convinced me that what I was seeing might be real. It's like they spent so much money hiring Johnny Depp they had nothing left over to make the movie with. 

And while I'm on the subject, Johnny Depp gives one of the worst performances of his career in this movie. It's one thing to go over the top with a character but he takes that to a whole different level. It's not cute or funny (even though it was probably meant to be). 

The only actor who really appears to be having a good time and giving a great performance while doing so is Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen. She isn't given much but when she does appear on screen I found myself wishing that the whole movie could have been about her.

And in case you were wondering, we do find out in this movie why her head is so large and it's not nearly as exciting as you would think. 

Alice Through the Looking Glass is possibly one of the most unnecessary sequels in the history of movies. It's a visual mess with a plot that tries so hard to make sense to the audience that it sacrifices good storytelling in the process.  It's sad because I was really excited to see this film and I really wanted to like it but the truth of the matter is I can't find anything positive to say about it. If only the filmmakers could go back in time and stop themselves from making this movie.

And is it worth the risk of obliterating time and space completely you ask. Yes, yes it is. 

The Lobster:Review

Distributed By: A24 Starring: Colin Farrell, Rachel Weisz, Ben Whishaw, John C. Reilly, and Lea Seydoux Directed By: Yorgos Lanthimos Rated: R for sexual content including dialogue, and some violence Score: ★★★★

The Lobster has the distinction of being one of the most bizarre movies I have ever seen. That being the case however I found it to be one of the most original and fascinating movies to have come out in the last few years. I couldn't keep my eyes off it and after the initial reaction of asking myself what I was watching I found it to be rather enjoyable. These kind of movies illicit those kind of reactions but if I have learned anything after years of watching movies sometimes you just have to let go and let the story transport you.

The film takes place in a dystopian future where being in a relationship with somebody is required by law. If you are single you are taken to a hotel where you have forty-five days to find a match or be turned into the animal of your choosing. In other words, it's a world where people like me wouldn't fare very well.

It's at this hotel where we meet David (Colin Farrell) a recently single man whose wife left him for another man. He arrives at the hotel with his dog which was once his brother and is forced to live in a single room and give up all of his personal possessions. He attends classes, dances, and dinners where he has to find his match or else face the consequences.

In addition to these activities the residents of the hotel go on hunting trips to track down and shoot loners (single people who have either run away from the hotel or refused to go) with tranquilizer darts. The more they catch the more days they get to find their significant other.

The casting of these characters is crucial. Particularly David, who is our ticket and guide through this intriguingly odd world. Colin Farrell is perfectly cast here and although he wasn't the first choice for the lead role (Jason Clarke was originally cast) there is no one else I can imagine playing this part. He works so well because he's so believable and gives David much more depth then is apparent at first glance.

Rahcel Weisz is wonderful as always playing the Short Sighted Woman, a person who David meets and feels a connection with after running away from the hotel. The scenes they have together are remarkable not only because of the natural chemistry these characters have with one another but also because both actors are at their best.

And their performances are owed to the brilliant screenplay and direction of Yorgos Lanthimos a Greek filmmaker making his first English language film. He's a very intriguing writer and director because he thinks not just outside the box but very far away from it. Which in the age where most movies are the same thing just repackaged is a relief.

The Lobster is a great film because it's inventive and the type of movie you only get once in a blue moon. It's a dark comedy that is funny and intriguing all at the same time. It's odd in every possible way and makes you wonder what kind of person comes up with this sort of thing but it's a truly ingenious film that requires an open mind. The Lobster is original, funny, and heartbreaking. It's nothing short of art.